Reasons To Believe

Ok, let’s make it simple
I don’t know what to do.

If I try, only try to think what would happen, I really can’t imagine anything. 
Maybe I’ll pass the exam, maybe not. However, something’s gonna change, and it’s the only thing that I can define ‘certain’.
And that’s the point: good change, or bad change ?
I really don’t know.
What if I’ll leave and go away, to study or to work ?
What if I’ll stay here ? 
Nobody can say to me what would happen, me neither.
A part of me is saying “just don’t give a fuck about anything, take care of yourself and no other”
But another part of me tells me to concentrate, to analize everything, and choose the right thing.
I mean, the right thing NOT for me, but for my family.
Because, even if you can say that I’m selfish, I’m not.
I always put my family and my friends before me.
And I’m here because of this.
Maybe, if I were really selfish, now I wouldn’t be here writing about what to do.
But I am like this, such an altruist person.

I wonder why.
I wonder why I have to make the most important choise of my life, thinking of what it’ll bring to others.
Yeah, that’s annoying.
But what can I do ?
I never did a thing thinking only about myself.
Maybe it’s time to change.
Or maybe not.
Or maybe, it’s time to put an end to this.
To put an end to the whole everything. 

I’ve no faith in me.
I’m a pessimist, with a giant inferiority complex.

What should I do ??
I really don’t know 

Rather be death alive

What if I won’t pass the exam ?
I’m wondering this everyday
What should I do ?
I really don’t know.
But one thing is in my mind, and that’s the best and the worst thing that I can do if my exam will be negative.
To go away, far far away from here.
Leave my life behind, leave it all behind.
Whatever, my life here sucks.
Green Day quote: it’s not over till you’re underground, it’s not over before’s too late
Maybe they’re right.
I not have to stay here all my life long.
Ok, I don’t have the money to go wherever I want, but I can work for a while, save some money, and then leave.
Obviously, if I take a good exam and enter at University (Medicine), it would be better.
But I’m realistic, and a pessimist.
Paramore quote: for a pessimist, I’m pretty optimistic
Well, I think I wrote enough.
One month and a half.
One month and a half, and the answer will come.
It’s gonna come.
If it’ll be a success: yeah, my life’d change in better
If it’ll be negative: fasten your seatbelt.
My seatbelt.

It doesn’t matter who you are
where you are
where you were
what you do
what you did
what you think
what you thinked
It doesn’t matter.

It only matter what you feel
and what you felt.

Now I’m feeling empty.
And it’s enough to make me sick

I hate feeling like this.
I hate keep going on like this.
I hate a lot of things
But most of all
I hate you 

So, another day like the others.
Anyway, I’m still here in my room writing this post, so I’m fine.
Yesterday I noticed that no one deserve trust.
At the very start, I mean.
If you trust in someone, he/she’s probably going to betray you.
But fortunately, it seems some people you trust in, they’re not gonna do that.
And I’m so glad of this.
A few people, maybe just three or four.

But it’s enough.